Smackdown: You Can Change the Voices in Your Head

Recently I had a breakthrough – a real breakthrough where I singlehandedly broke a board with the palm of my hand (see photo).  I had no idea I could do this and it totally blew my mind when I followed my teacher’s instructions, and easily broke this board with a single stroke.  I don’t recommend you try this on your own without careful instruction and safety equipment. Even so, what was the point of breaking a board? The point of this breakthrough was, for me, highly symbolic – a new metaphor for change in my life.  I broke through from an old constant question I used to ask myself a lot to a new question that is supporting me far more effectively than before.  You can break through to a new way of thinking, too, and you don’t even have to break a board to do it. 

Let’s start with the whole notion of a constant question.  What is a constant question and what effect does it have?  It tends to be a repetitive question you ask yourself over and over again that typically does not have a positive or affirming answer.  Here are some examples

• Why do I keep doing the same thing over and over again?
• Why don’t I have any will power?
• When will I ever learn?
• Why didn’t I think about this before I said yes?
• Why do I make things hard?

It can also take the form of a question that sounds benign or even positive, but is typically thought of in a sarcastic voice.  For example, “what am I going to do now?” or “am I having fun yet?”  Take a look at some of the example questions above and think for a moment about your own constant question. Write it down.  Then, ask yourself, what are some of the answers that come to mind when you think of your constant question? 

My old constant question used to be, why do I make things hard?  The likely answers that came to mind for me were: because I deserve to suffer, I am not as good as the others so I have to try harder; if I am not working hard I must be lazy.  I think you get the idea that my old question and answers, weren’t really helping.  In fact, questions like these can keep us feeling stuck in negative patterns of self-doubt.  They can create vicious cycles of beating ourselves up and generally speaking, they don’t serve us well.  
So, what’s the alternative?  The alternative is creating a new constant question that is affirmative and supporting and then trying it out against a variety of phrases that come up in everyday life.  After all, that’s where the old constant question was used, wasn’t it?  My new constant question is:  how can I feel even more playful and open-hearted right now?  This new question is quite a departure from the old one: why do I make things hard?  If you want to create a new constant question for yourself, here are some tips for developing a powerful, supporting question:

• Make it present tense
• Make it positive, affirmative, and active
• Assume you already embody at least some of this characteristic and make your question take it further (in my example, how can I be even more playful and open-hearted assumes that I already am.

Once you have a new constant question, you need a list of typical situations that you can apply it against.  For example, here are some typical situations (both good and not so good) that I used to help me practice instilling my new question:

• Your car has a flat and you are already running late for work
• It’s raining outside
• Your dog licks your face
• Your husband smiles at you across the room
• Your cat pukes on the white rug (again)
• Your boss gives you your review
• You see a rainbow
• Your Mom doesn’t return your call for days
• You ask someone out on a date and they say yes
• You are stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic
• You win a prize
• Your lunch food is not ready yet and you have to be at a meeting in 10 minutes

Take the list above and edit it to make your own list of typical scenarios.  Try to come up with at least 20.  Then, if you can, find a friend and ask her to read each statement to you.  After she reads each statement, state your new constant question affirmatively, out loud.  This will help you break the hold of your old question and instill the new one.  After you finish this, notice how you feel.  When I did this the first time, and whenever I use my new question (mostly in my head) now, I feel more buoyed and positive. 

Practice your new constant question in all types of situations over the coming weeks to make it stick.  Maybe you can post it near your PC or bathroom mirror, even in your car, to remind you. Notice what happens over the next few weeks as both positive and difficult situations arise.  I used my new constant question a lot recently when I was visiting my mother who is beginning to struggle more and more as she ages. As a result of this question, I noticed a really big shift in my overall patience and ability to just be present and not try and control things for her during my visit.  In essence, just as in the photo above, I broke through from life is hard, it’s a struggle – to I am playful, curious, and loving.

See what happens if you try this for 10 days.  Here are some questions to think about as you prepare to take on a new constant question for your life.

What are some constant questions you have asked yourself over the years?

Let’s Get Serious about Fun and Games

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good.” - Dr. Seuss

When was the last time you played, I mean really played, just for fun? If you work at a place like Nike, maybe you play often, and hopefully you do. Perhaps you have a twice weekly pick-up basketball game, or you join the soccer troops regularly. You may giggle, laugh and find delight in your daily interactions at work. Maybe your play is in spending time with your kids, playing monopoly or Uno cards, or being pushed on the swings almost as often as you do the pushing. Maybe you can't remember the last time you played. Whether any of the above is true for you or not, I will give you plenty of reasons to keep playing or start playing no matter what your age, and especially if you are over 21.

Let’s start some play by taking on a fun but short little experiment. At your next staff or team meeting, ask each person to take out a sheet of paper pen and give them 30 seconds to draw a picture of the person next to them. Then ask each person to share their picture with that person (they don’t have to share it with the group unless they want to) and see what happens. One of the most common things that occurs is that whoever is drawing spends a lot of time apologizing to the person they are meant to draw. There also tends to be a lot of nervous, awkward laughter.

What do you think would happen if you asked a group of 5-year-olds to do the same experiment? When asked to do the same, they usually draw their pictures and show them to anyone who will take a look. They seem to relish the idea of showing off their work. What difference does it make if kids are more willing to show their art work? The difference is this: as we grow up, we often begin to fear the judgment of our peers. We become increasingly embarrassed about showing our ideas to people around us. This can spawn an environment of conservative thinking, where if we have an unusual idea, we may be afraid to share it due to fear of embarrassment, ridicule and the like.

So, what can we do to foster innovation, creativity, and awesome team collaboration at work? We can have fun be encouraging and engaging in daily play. A number of studies have shown that by playing, we will experience the benefits of:

·         Feeling more connected to others

·         Developing more creativity, flexibility and learning

·         Developing or enhancing perseverance

·         Decreasing stress

·         Feeling happy!

There is much to be gained by sharing positive emotional experiences with others. When we experience laughter and fun with others we are creating an “anchor” to that feeling and the group, and we are more likely to experience this positive feeling any time we are with this group. Sometimes in our play we may win, and sometimes we may not. Winning isn't everything despite the way some of us feel about it. Experience both triumph and defeat with your work team helps build empathy, compassion, and trust based on shared experience.

When we play, we learn things that stimulate our imaginations and help us adapt and solve problems more easily. Play arouses curiosity, it fosters discovery and creativity. Play also draws on our need to persevere and see something through to the end, or recognize that it takes practice to learn new skills or master them and in some games, that mastery comes from the group.

One of the best reasons to play is the most simple: it is fun and we feel happy and unfettered, even if only for a few moments. Play can provide stress reduction and therapeutic benefits for adults who make it a habit. Taking play breaks on a daily basis can nourish a feeling of connectedness and sheer delight for ourselves and those around us.

So, if your team does not have a practice of play, why not get one started? My proposal is that you take 5-10 minutes a day for fun teamplay over the rest of this month. If you need some help finding games and ideas, why not ask your team for suggestions? You may also seek out books or websites with icebreakers and other group games. One example with some free games can be found at: http://www.group-games.com/index-of-all-group-games

I envision a world where adults play as a normal part of the workday: at the bank, in the grocery store, on mass transit and anywhere people come together frequently. Imagine a life where we interact in a more meaningful way – by having fun in the ordinary!

Questions for comment: What are your experiences of play in the work place? What do you think would happen if you tried playing together as a part of your work day? How does competitive play feel different from play that is more focused on fun or the group?

Written by Kim LaFever, Culture Catalyst

Positive Disruption - Portland, OR

Creating Change: Tools to Help You with Your Journey

Last month I conducted a workshop on Creating a Vision for Your Life. This one-hour workshop set the stage for each participant to leave with a clearer picture of what she wants to create more of in her future.  The workshop itself was highly interactive and inspiring thanks to the participation of the group! I left the workshop with two commitments: one was to offer this workshop one more time by March 9^th and the other was to provide a list of tools and resources that I have found particularly useful as I have continued on my journey of creating more of what I want in my life. 

So, to meet the first commitment: I am offering this one-hour workshop on Creating Vision for Your Life on Friday, March 9^th from 8:30-9:30.  I still have room for about 5-7 more people so if you want to attend, please email kim.lafever@nike.com.

As for the second commitment: the list below provides some of the most powerful seminars and books I have experienced over the last 2-3 years to assist me in gaining insight, clarity, and vision for my life purpose. I am not affiliated with any of the authors or seminar providers other than to be thankful for their offerings, and in some cases friendship, in my life. As I often tell people when they ask how I have been able to refine my life purpose, I tell them the truth: it has taken a global village of writers, facilitators, and other practitioners to get me where I am in terms of knowing myself well and advancing more of what I want in my life.  My life has messiness, beauty, joy, and loss, and for this I have heartfelt gratitude and a certain persistence to want to know more, to seek further my greater truth.  I hope you may find something useful in this list as you engage on your own journey. You can find many of these books or seminars on the web by simply typing in the book, title, or name of the company in many search engines.

Books:

The Dream Manager by Matthew Kennedy:This is an easy read and very entertaining.  It will provide you with the springboard for your life by encouraging you to write down 100 dreams and then offers some techniques on how to take them further. I truly wonder if I would be opening my own business now if I hadn’t read this book last summer.

Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott: This book helped me establish effective conversations and boundaries with people.  It helps me to stay “clean” by speaking my truth in a respectful way often and when it most matters. I used these methods to help me through some family and in-law communications to great effect.

Choices That Change Lives by Hal Urban: An easy read with lots of value and you can read it in chunks or skip chapters entirely.

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Daniel Amen: This book is fascinating without being too technical.  It uses some of the most up to the moment neuroscience and then tells you how to apply it to make changes happen.

Awake at Work by Michael Carroll: This book has all kinds of wisdom to be more present in the moment, even when work feels crappy.  The chapters are short and provide a lot of food for contemplation and action.

Humans Being by Lou Ann Daly:  This is a workbook style read that has a lot of exercises in it.  It requires you to take some time in reflection and asks some rather thought-provoking questions.  I had the good fortune to work this book with a small group of colleagues as we were led by two very strong women leaders. This is the book that frustrated me to no end; it also probably helped me to break through and stop being stuck – funny how that works. 

If the Buddha Got Stuck by Charlotte Kasl: This book has lots of short chapters that you can read over a coffee with little exercises to apply.  My medical doctor recommended it when she realized how often I would come in slightly jet-lagged or semi-stressed.

Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck: Martha is Oprah magazine’s monthly coach/writer.  She is great and very well known in the field of life coaching. The amount and level of difficulty of the exercises can be a little daunting. I think this work would be easier if facilitated or done as part of a reading group that meets regularly for 3-6 months for support but if you are ready to really tackle your life, she is one of the best.

Mindful Eating by Jan Chozen Bays: For those of you who may have followed my writing for this newsletter over the last year or so, you are familiar with the challenges I was facing with my sweet tooth.  This book, along with some of the other mindfulness practices I learned through books, etc. that finally helped me to make positive changes in my eating without feeling like I am bad if I have a cookie. If you are interested in changing your diet, or interested in slowing yourself down even for a little while during the day without sitting and doing a formal meditation practice, this book may be a good one for you.  She takes you through a series of exercises in the book and accompanying CD that will change the way you experience your food and  it is positive, graceful, and phew – without judgment.

STOP TRYING SO HARD by Kim LaFever - The book I haven’t written yet but maybe should.  I spent a good number of years thinking I had to outwork everyone else in order to be seen as ok. Through the many books and other practices I’ve learned, I finally feel like I can just be me. Stay tuned for my own book on how to change your life to hit bookshelves in the future.

Seminars or coaching:

Wings Seminars in Eugene – www.wings-seminars.com – You start with the Personal Effectiveness seminar and go from there.  These seminars are intense and people change a lot as a result of their experiences to become better communicators, less blame-oriented, aware of their potential as leaders, and closer to their life purpose BUT – you have to show up fully and be ready and willing to do the work. It can be great fun, enriching, and I have made friends that I expect to have in my life for many years through my association with this group.

Creating the Life You Want – run by two of my dearest friends (one former Nike person) who offer workshops on the side (2-3 times a year) from their day jobs to help people get clear on mission, vision, values, etc.  For info contact Tonia McConnell at: toniamcc@msn.com

Lifetime Optimization – this is a neuro-optimization coaching practice here in PDX that I wrote about in January.  I gained so much by taking their Neuro Essentials Program two months ago.  My memory skills are better, I manage my emotions more easily, and I think this work greatly helped me at the right time to me break through and say YES to my future. www.lifetimeoptimization.com

The Cook Awakening at www.cookawakening.com  Durga Fuller runs a coaching practice that is centered around helping people who want to make dietary changes or otherwise change their relationship to food and health but she is so much more than that.  She has tremendous insight and wisdom and has been a great teacher to me.  I think that through this work, I finally grew to accept myself enough to know that I really am ok. 

To Your Dreams!

Letting Go of Leadership Identity to Create a Leadership “Minifesto”

I’ve recently had a series of performance conversations and have realized we often use the term “leadership identity” as a catchall phrase to describe the intangible, those aspects of leadership that we want to see more of but we aren’t always very good at describing. Leadership identity sounds magical, like a cape you can put on (if only you can find one) that will give you the power to see through walls and lead mega project teams with your bare hands. In my experience, when we talk about leadership identity it is most often used to characterize someone who we experience as lacking in key leadership attributes or in employee development plans as a goal to be achieved despite its vagueness. It’s almost like saying, I don’t know what it is, but I’ll know it when I see it. So I’ve decided to abandon “leadership identity” as label and start asking for something explicit to make it more real for each of us. I propose each of us creates a “Leadership Minifesto.”

What’s a Leadership Minifesto? Well, to begin with, it’s not a long, drawn out document like a manifesto that will take you weeks or months to create. It is simple, quick, and powerful to create. Start by asking yourself to write, draw, or speak wholeheartedly about what you want in leadership, both yours and from others with a focus on the next month. Yes, only for the next month and YES, from the heart. What does a good leader say and do, what moves her with compassion, what scares him, what fills her with delight, wonder, and joy? If you can create a highly descriptive paragraph, some bullet points, or a picture that illustrates the actions, feelings, and practices of the great leader you want in your life, the great leader you choose to be, you have your manifesto for the next month and possibly beyond.

What qualities would spur you to take some risks or show up in a new way over the coming weeks? How about the courage to authentically state your truth even though your ideas may seem to run against the tide? How about showing a willingness to be vulnerable by asking to facilitate the next team meeting even though showing up in this way is outside your comfort zone? Maybe saying no more often is important for you to be a great leader. Whatever it is, capture it. Write it as a story or write it in ALL CAP BULLET POINTS, write it on a whiteboard, or paint it on an easel. Write it with your family in mind, write it for your team. And most importantly, write it for the leader that matters most: YOU!

Here's an example:

·         Speak my truth even if that truth may be unpopular

·         Let go of the fear of not being liked

·         Be present even when I want to distract myself or I feel uncomfortable

·         Ask others to be accountable and hold them large enough to meet their commitments

·         Embrace my creative “differentness” BOLDLY

·         Do something different every day – walk when I would run, dabble on the piano, sing anywhere

·         Make connection and simple acts of kindness with people I often overlook or pretend aren’t there like shopkeepers, gas station attendants, homeless people, anyone

What would happen if everyone wrote a Leadership Minifesto for the next month? I think we’d see a swell of positive disruption, a tidal wave of forward change. So I challenge you to spend 15 minutes writing your own Leadership Minifesto. Share it with your family, friends , and colleagues or tweet it to the world. Post it where you can see it every day and most importantly: live it, wholeheartedly. See what changes in your world, then do it again next month. If you really want to embrace the challenge, why not post your Minifesto in the comments section below?

Improve Your Memory While Brushing Your Teeth

Have you ever walked into a room to get something and realize once you get there, you can’t remember what you came for?  Could you benefit from remembering names, dates and faces better than you do today?  What if you could automatically enhance your mood and outlook in seconds even though deadlines loom, the kids are cranky, and your dog has run away in the rain?  All of this and more is possible through simple techniques you can learn to improve both memory and mood.

A few months ago, I started hearing about something call Neuro-Optimization and became curious and wondered what it was.  As I am so often willing to be your human guinea pig, I met with a local company called Lifetime Optimization that specializes in this work and decided to attend their 5-week evening class on Neuro-Essentials.  I learned a lot of interesting and practical tips for improving my memory, brain function, and mood in the classes and had a lot of fun. You can support your brain and memory function just by doing one or more of these activities:

1.       Read – especially engaging, fiction books

2.       Use your non-dominant hand

3.       Write in a journal regularly

4.       Enjoy crossword or similar spatial-memory puzzles

5.       Grow your vocabulary

6.       Practice memory exercises (there are thousands out there)

7.       Travel

8.       Exercise regularly

9.       Study a foreign language

10.   Learn to play an instrument

I learned a trick in class so I could remember these 10 items (or any 10 items) in order, without having to write them down.  You can use these tips as simple ways to train your brain just by doing things like eating or brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand. This is also your license to read spy thrillers when the rest of your family watches sitcoms on TV.  Just tell them, I am doing this for my brain!

We also learned about setting a variety of “anchors” to improve positive thought patterns and mood.  If you haven’t heard of anchoring, a simple example is when you hear a favorite song, what happens?  You start to feel your energy change and you feel more positive.   Imagine learning how to set and deploy numerous, positive anchors that you can use throughout your week to boost your confidence, joy, or energy. 

As a part of this program, I had the opportunity to have my brain waves mapped.  Brain wave mapping involves placing several electrode-type devices on your head and ears that uses specialized software to measure the amount and locations of brain activity.  The mapping process takes place during a series of simple tasks such as reading, sitting with your eyes closed, or doing simple math problems while the machine takes readings of your brainwaves.  The readings are analyzed based on years of brainwave research and data and then used in conjunction with your own life experience to identify patterns that may benefit from neuro-optimization.  

Last week, as part of the course, I participated in one of two brainwave optimization sessions I will have.  The process was pretty relaxing because you basically sit in a recliner with headphones on while these musical tones are played.  Sometimes they have you visualize something; other times they have you view video images.  I left feeling relaxed overall and also like I had been concentrating a lot or that my head was humming a little with activity.  Not busy-brain activity but like my brain was heavily processing.  I woke up the next morning and noticed that I felt emotionally energized.  I was buoyant with enthusiasm for my life and family, my dreams and passions.  I was even singing show tunes around the house!  I have no idea what show tunes have to do with the session I had, but who cares, it felt great!  I am curious what will happen after the next session.

Brad Pendergraft, LCSW, the founder of Lifetime Optimization said, "We began this program because we see evidence that ignorance about the brain is a major cause of social and work problems that people tend instead to attribute to their personalities or to their environment. If they understood how their brains worked and had strategies that reflected these understandings, they would think and act differently and this would allow them to make changes in their life, taking greater control of their thoughts and emotions, happiness and success."

Oftentimes, people use neuro-optimization and the coaching that accompanies it, to create positive changes in their lives.  It could include working with issues like stress management, habit control, anxiety, or career changes to enhancing creativity, athletic or job performance.  It really does have application to a lot of areas where we want to be the best we can or minimize unproductive behaviors.

If you would like more information about Neuro-Optimization, the Neuro Essentials class or other optimization offerings, contact Lifetime Optimization via email at: admin@lifetimeopt.com or on the web at: http://lifetimeoptimization.com/getting-started/neuro-essentials-program/ or by phone  at 503-327-8713.

Got 30 Days? - Make Magic Happen!

As I approached this post, I was finding it hard to settle down on one topic. Normally, once I decide on a topic, the blog kind of writes itself.  This month was harder for some reason; I had a lot of topics rattling around in my head but nothing firmly decided.  Then, I was telling my husband about a whole series of events I experienced last week that were very exciting and somehow seemed unrelated.  He suggested I write about synchronicity because that’s what’s happening in my life right now. Still not convinced, I told him I’d mull it over for the night.  My uncertainty was quickly resolved when I woke up the next day.  I drink this tea that has little quotes on the tab.  I tend to think of them as daily fortunes, like the ones you get in fortune cookies and just like those cookies, if I don’t like what is says in the morning I ignore it and if I do, I assume it’s true!  So on to synchronicity – this morning’s tea bag said: “Our thoughts are forming the world.”  And with that I knew he was right - let’s talk about synchronicity.

So, as we approach the winter solstice, the year will end, and we begin a cycle of renewal, I am offering you and invitation to take 30 days and to witness some magic in your life.  Let’s start with the magic of synchronicity.  What is synchronicity?  Dictionary.com defines it as a noun and states: “an apparently meaningful coincidence in time of two or more similar or identical events that are causally unrelated.”  I like to think of it as the result of setting search image in for my mind, convincing evidence that whatever I place my attention on goes stronger.

I’ll share a brief example.  This fall, I created a small pilot group who worked through “The Dream Manager” by Matthew Kelly.  Working with this group has been truly inspiring and in the process I defined a lot of my own dreams and began advancing them.  One of my dreams includes assisting others with realizing their dreams by advancing personal growth and development. Recently, I joined a business coaching group and I had the opportunity to meet one the team members who runs a small business.  I thought I might like to do some business with his company in the future and I wanted to understand their service offering better.  During our meeting I made a reference to the Dream Manager concept which led to him telling me his entire company had been based that premise and even has a Dream Optimizer on staff.  That is what I mean by synchronicity: seemingly unrelated events or coincidence or are they?  There are lots of words you can use for it:  synchronicity, kismet, coincidence, and maybe even, magic

So, what magic can you create in the next 30 days?  I invite you to experiment with synchronicity and experience it in action to see what happens.  As we approach the year-end with a new one about to begin, I suggest we each take 30 days and focus on 3 things:

1.       Choose 3 Things You are Most Thankful for This Year (for bonus points choose 5-10)

2.       Choose 3 Inspiring Wishes You Have for Others

3.       Choose 3 Dreams You Want to Manifest for Yourself

For each area, write them down, and if you are willing to be a little bold, I suggest you share them with others.  Maybe read them to your family or friends one night over a nice meal.  Place them somewhere you will see them often.  If you can, read them once or more a day or at least once a week.  Then, notice what happens and maybe even keep a little notebook to write down your observations.  I am convinced that you will see more of your thanks, wishes and dreams manifesting in your life in the next 30 days. It may be that you notice people talking about things on your list; you may see you see articles in the news, or maybe you begin to notice that your teenage daughter really does listen to you.  I am not sure what your magic will be.  What I know for sure is that you will experience something powerful and amazing and if that experience involves thanks, wishes, and dreams, then to me that is MAGIC!

It would be great to hear check-ins from people after the New Year, when 30 days has passed.  What have you noticed?  What magic or dreams came your way?

The Dream Manager Pilot – A Follow up and Ways to Apply it Yourself

No kittens this month, but as promised, here is a follow-up to the Dream Manager pilot.  A few months back I shared my interest in working with a small group on a Dream Manager pilot. In the end I had 5 people join the pilot and we have been meeting every 2-3 weeks to work on creating or expanding our dreams for our lives!  We started by providing each team member a copy of the Dream Manager book and in our meetings we are:

·         Building a list of 100 dreams (each of us) for our lives – dreaming big, no holds barred!

·         Sharing with the group what we dream of, what we want, what we may fear, what can be hard, gaining and giving support

·         Working on our Pick 5 (the top 5 dreams we wanted to get started first) list to build “creative tension” that allows us to envision and create steps for bringing those dreams into reality

·          Laughing, we are moved to tears, we are inspired.

·         Gaining new friends or deepening connections on this journey, both a joy and  an honor

·         Seeing some dreams realized and we’ve only had 2 meetings so far!

·         Turning into Dream Managers since we all know people who could benefit from one,  and we now have a process we can share with others

If you want to give it a try, I suggest you read the book, The Dream Manager by Matthew Kelly or drop me an email for some of the process info I have put together.  If you already have some dreams on your list and want to learn about setting creative tension towards achieving a dream, read on.

Setting Creative Tension

Start by having one of your dreams clearly in mind.  Then, ask yourself (and write this down), what is your true vision for this dream (forget about time, money, etc.)?  Dream big and be as detailed and graphic as you can be!.  Don’t hold back, just bask in it.  What does it feel like, look like, smell like, whatever? Imagine yourself being this, doing this thing, whatever it is. Once you have this fully detailed, read it over once or many times until you feel fully immersed in this vision.

Example: I want to go on my first cruise on a beautiful ship, with my love.  I want to visit amazing islands full of white sand beaches, and beautiful clear, blue water. We will snorkel, eat good food, dance, laugh a lot, and get into the island mojo of slowing down and just having a blast. We will create amazing memories of this time together, take photos, and just bask in the joy of the sun and sea.

Now, identify what is the current reality and write it down. Current reality: I have never been on a cruise, I have not booked any time off, I feel busy, I don’t know what it costs, I am not sure if he wants to go on a cruise, the cats have to go to camp, etc.

What would have to occur or be in place to realize the dream? In doing this, simply list the obvious actions and steps. Then, start brainstorming a list of things that would need to occur to realize this dream.  For example, I will ask if he is interested in going on a cruise.  If no, I will ask myself, do I want to realize this dream on my own?  I will research cruises and costs, book PTO, etc.

Next, place the steps to be taken in logical order.  What is the first most obvious step?

For me it was:  find out if he is interested in a cruise.  When should that step be taken by? I set the target for 1 week because I could see no reason to wait in finding out.

Repeat this process of identifying the next most obvious step and the expected completion date for as many of the steps as possible.  You may not have them all right away but begin working through them anyway.  Identify additional steps and as many target dates for them as you can.

I did this for my cruise dream and so far this is what I have:  he is interested in a cruise, I did some research, I scheduled PTO, I booked a 7-day cruise to the eastern Caribbean, we leave on January 14^th, the cats go to their usual camp, I am sure there is more to be done but those are the highlights.  We are thrilled and excited to be going on this trip and in many ways, just working through the planning has been a blast.  If the cruise is even close to that, it will be the realization of a great dream!

I would love to hear about some of your dreams and your experiences with realizing them.  Write a comment, or share a story below.