Let’s start with my own resolutions. This year, for some reason, I actually made one, er, two:
1. Get the composting thing sorted out (one way or the other, actually do it)
2. Eat breakfast out more often.
Guess which one has had some traction against it already? Yes, the breakfast one. Interesting isn’t it that the one that is seemingly more like a reward has been started and the one that is more like work lingers on, untouched? I’ve decided that there are several keys to making and effectively achieving goals, a term I like more than the very absolute-sounding resolution. So, here are a few ideas I will be playing with over the coming month and beyond to get clearer and better at both making and achieving personal goals.
I will be more specific about what I want to create for myself because language matters. Let’s take something like weight loss for example. If I say I want to lose 10 pounds, it’s certainly a goal but it really doesn’t tell me much about what will be different for me if I do. Thus, it’s not very compelling. If I turn that goal into more well-defined, feeling-oriented statements there’s more to relate to, it’s positive and less deprivation-centered. What will I create if I achieve this goal? Well, I’d probably feel more energetic, my clothes would feel good against my skin, I may feel more confident with my partner, and my body will feel nourished and truly cared for. Getting more specific about the feelings establishes a deeper connection to the experience of achieving this goal.
One of the keys to setting yourself up for success is to imagine some of the feelings this new state will help create. So, your goal may even change from “lose 10 pounds” to something more like: nourish my body through food and body movement so I will feel more energetic, my clothes will feel more loose and comfy against my skin, I will feel more confident in and out of clothes, and I will know I am nurturing my body and feel truly cared for. As you work with a goal created likie this, ask yourself daily, hourly or even more often if it’s helpful, what am I doing for myself in this moment to experience these feelings? What can I do to make it so?
Another approach to goals, and this is the one I will be experimenting with this month, is to play with the goal from a sense of curiosity rather than a strict hard and fast set of rules. I have a habit of eating a sugary snack most days between 3-5 PM. I have tried many different things over the years to stop eating these snacks and most have not been very successful. None have been successful enough – yet. So, it’s become a bit of a thing for me. I have developed an attachment to my inability to succeed in this area. I have asked myself, how can you be so accomplished in work, and personal life and be so achievement-oriented in so many ways and yet struggle with a chocolate chip cookie? And yes, I have at times tried the methods, of just accepting it and not beating myself up over it. I have tried substituting apples, nuts, carrots, crackers and cheese, I could probably name about 50 other things as well.
Fast forward 20 years and here I am still, or again, wishing to beat this habit. So, here’s what I am going to try: I am going to treat the next month as an experiment. What if I don’t have the snack some days, what happens? What will I feel, what will I notice, whatever? Some days I may have the snack. I don’t know. At this point the idea is to see it as an opportunity to observe and less of a win/lose or succeed/fail proposition. The goals will not to be to say I was good on a day I don’t have the snack or bad on a day when I do. So, I really have no idea how this will turn out but I plan to write about it as I go and provide a summary later next month. If you have any thoughts for me on this approach, I’d love to hear them.
And, in case you are wondering what’s going to happen with the composting? Well, I realize I can tackle it by figuring out how to turn it into a real positive rather than something that feels like a chore. If I am able to come up with some positive feelings about having vegetable waste rotting under my kitchen sink, that will be true success.
What are your experiences with any types of resolutions or goal-setting? What has worked for you and what hasn’t? How do you think we can help each other with our goals?
