A 5-minute Holiday from the Hustle and Bustle

It’s the time of year when many of us are running to and fro to get ready for the holidays and finish up year-end projects. It’s a time when, for many, emotions run high as we relive family holiday memories, seek to create idyllic new ones and may experience feelings of nostalgia or dread.  With all that is going on, it can be hard to choose the right foods to eat, to make time for yourself, or even feel like you can enjoy what can be a most magical time of year.   It’s time for a 5-minute miracle of gratitude.

The 5-Minute Miracle of Gratitude
You can either read the meditation following to yourself quietly as you go through the steps, or click on the link here to listen to a recording of it here.  Either way, it is short and yet just long enough to help bring you back to sanity. This meditation is inspired by the teachings of Janeen Marie and Karla McLaren - I thank them both.

To begin choose a straight backed chair where your feet can easily be flat on the floor. Press down through your thighs, knees, ankles and feet.  Take a few moments to feel the connection between the floor and the bottom of your feet.  Breathe deeply taking breath deep into your lower belly.  While still pressing down through your legs and feet bring your awareness to the top of your head.  Lift up through the top of your head elongating your spine. Take a moment to appreciate this stretch and continue to breathe deep slow breaths following your own rhythm.  Notice how you can have your awareness on your head lifting upward, and the bottom of your feet pressing into the ground.

Close your eyes and begin to visualize roots growing from the bottom of your feet.  Let them grow deeply into the earth.  Imagine the way the soil feels as your roots find their way down.  See these roots growing horizontally, parallel to the surface of the soil as well as having deep tap roots that go straight down to anchor you.  You may want to create your roots in a bright color so they are easy to see in contrast to the soil they are growing in.  You may have whatever you want. With each breath deepen your roots.

You can use your roots as a power source to bring earth energy up into your feet, legs and body.  Visualize your roots opening and flowing with vital earth energy.  This is liquid energy.  See this as it flows into your feet, up through your legs and into your body, nourishing you deeply.  Take a deep breath allowing this energy to easily flow to you and through you. 

Just has a tree has deep roots that allow it to withstand high winds and heavy rains, notice how this “rooting into the earth” practice creates stability and rootedness for you. This meditation will help you stay centered no matter what happens in the world around you.

Now, take a moment. As you breathe in and out and focus on any sensations you feel in your physical body.  Just let your attention trace to anywhere it wants to notice something in your body.  Now, send messages of gratitude to your body, thanking it for supporting you on this earth.  Whatever feels right to you, send a few messages of gratitude to specific parts of your body and to your entire body.  Breathe in and out and just notice what areas draw you to notice them and say thank you.

Slowly, when you are ready, come back to the rest of the room and open your eyes.  Just as a tree sends deep roots into the earth for support and nourishment...so can we.  I express gratitude for the amazing, bodies around me and the support we receive from mother earth.  

Questions:

What did you notice when you slowed down for a few minutes to listen to your body?

How could you see using this just before a meeting or big event?

What did you like about it and/or what felt awkward or uncomfortable?

Creating Positive Change is brought to you by Kim LaFever of Positive Disruption. Positive Disruption is a Portland-based consulting firm. We embrace clients who are ready to change the results they are getting today by: being authentic everywhere, embracing innovation methods, and shaking up normal. In January and February we have some great workshops on vision and creative leadership coming your way.  Check it out at:  http://positivedisruption.com/positive-disruption-events or call us at 503-704-5250.

Change Your Story, Change Your Life

“We live stories that either give our life meaning or negate it with meaninglessness.  If we change the stories we live by, quite possibly we change our lives. “ – Ben Okri, Nigerian writer and storyteller

Think about the stories you tell yourself and may be living out in your life, or the stories someone else told you in the past that still have a grip on you today.  Some examples that come to mind are:  I can’t go after a that job (even though it might really fulfill me) because I don’t have a college degree or he would never go out with me because I still haven’t lost those last 10 pounds.  Why are these stories so powerful and how do we harness them to make the best possible life?

Stories are powerful because our brains are hardwired for both story and metaphor.  Yes, we humans were born this way. Stories resonate with us precisely because they:

• Are a primal form of communication and have been for eons
• Speak to us of collaboration and connection (rarely does the hero do it all alone because if nothing else – they save someone or a village!)
• Help us create order and certainty
• Are rooted in how we think and this allows us to make meaning of things

I often notice two types of stories: the stories we share with the world about how things are and the stories we tell ourselves.  The stories we share with others often are flavored with laying out the possibilities of how things could be as they occur.  The stories we tend to tell ourselves are often about “why” we think things are a certain way. Either way, it’s possible to change your life by changing the stories you tell – both to the world and to yourself.

Let’s look at an example. As a new business owner, I often have to contact people about my business offering.  These people may be potential clients or referral sources and quite often, I don’t know them well. So, let’s say I meet with one of these clients, and he says: “I want to talk to my business partner about what you are proposing to me before making any decision.”  Ok, that sounds reasonable enough, right? So, then let’s suppose, we agree that if I don’t hear back from him within one week, I will call him?  Ok, so far so good.  And then let’s say a week goes by and I call him and get his voicemail.  I leave a message and ask for a return call and nothing happens, no return phone call within a few days, etc. 

What do I do when a potential client doesn’t call me back? Well, I could make up a story about why he didn’t call me back and in the past, I have done so.  That story has any number of possible ways it could go but rarely has the story  been positive or something I would want to share with the world.  One version of that story says, they don’t want to talk to me because….and I’ll spare you the 18 or so grisly variations on that theme.  But stories can have every kind of way in which they could go, so what if I told a new story or didn’t make up a story at all? 

My new story might go like this:  they didn’t call me back because they are busy, or they don’t call anyone back, or they are so excited by the prospect of working with me, they don’t know yet what they want to start on, or they are not my ideal client so it is GOOD they are not calling me back.  And if I were to go on a story “fast” and not make up anything it might simply be a statement like this: I don’t know why they didn’t call me back and I will make a note to try back on the new date I declared in my message to him. Now sure, eventually, if the person doesn’t call me back, I will leave a final message along the lines of, “I just wanted to try you one last time and if you want to reach me, you have my contact info. Thank you for your time.” 

What are some of the stories you might be making up about how things are or were in the past?  Maybe these stories are about your kids who don’t finish their homework on time even though they agreed to. Perhaps they are about your mother and why she says you must not are since you don’t call her every day. Or how about when your boss cancels your 1:1s frequently?  What if instead of making up a story about being a bad parent, your mom being nosy, and your boss wanting to re-org you, you did something else instead and checked your assumptions with the person involved?  And if that isn’t possible, what if you were to release the story completely and say to yourself, I don’t know why it is this way and until or unless I can gather data or check my assumptions with the person involved (this does not mean talking about this with your cubicle neighbor, ok?) I am just going to focus on what I do know.

Our stories can be rich and intentional and support more of what we want in our lives or they can point to chaos and doom. Each of us can make that choice as the principle storyteller in our lives. When I wake up, I ask myself, what am I creating in my day? This question helps me focus on positive intent, fosters creativity, and builds gratitude in my life. Our imagination can hold a lot that is amazing and juicy! You may want to post sticky notes in places you visit often (like the car, or your work cube and yes, even the bathroom) with the word “STORY” written on them as a reminder to notice when you might be making up a story or to encourage you to make up good ones. Be especially aware of what can happen when you are hungry, tired, or under a lot of stress as these are the times when the big ugly stories seem to pop up out of nowhere.  Under times of duress, it is great to visualize blowing the negative narrative out the window like someone’s bad cigarette smoke.

Recognize yourself for the powerful storyteller you are and know that you have a say in your own story  - a story you can create of hope, love, courage, and delight!  Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “You don’t get what you want, you get what you are.”   I think this is particularly true when it comes to the stories we tell that either enrich us or devalue our greatness.

What are some stories you have lived for years that have held you back or are patently untrue?

What are some stories you would write now and for the future to change that paradigm?

How might you recommend stopping the flow of negative stories in your life?

Pressed For Time? Adjust the Energy of YOU

Summer is officially over, kids are back in school, and it won’t be long before the holiday ads begin.  Where does the time go? 
 

These days, with email, mobile phones, and the feeling of work never stopping, it is easy to feel overwhelmed as though there just aren’t enough hours in the day.  Maybe you have a hobby you’d like to pursue or a side business you’d like to get started that never seems to get going. What would have to shift to bring those things into your life?  Well, what if you can’t quit your job but you feel like you don’t have time to pursue your dreams?  Well, what if it isn’t about time but how you are spending our energy?

Think about a time when no matter how much you felt you needed to, you just struggled to get started on some project.  Maybe you would come home from work at the normal time and just feel too tired to start working on a new project or errand.   And let’s say this went on for weeks even though you weren’t sick, had been sleeping ok, and were generally taking pretty good care of yourself. Now, think about another time when you were really excited about something (maybe getting ready for a vacation, or working on painting the nursery in preparation for your new arrival).  Remember feeling like you could keep going and going and didn’t want to stop even when the clock struck late and you would normally have gone to bed by then?  Stay in that moment for a while and just let it wash over you again.

What kept you going on the project you were passionate about and what slowed you down about getting started on the other task?  For many, the difference is energy; not the energy you get from eating a Power Bar or the energy you feel after 10 hours of sleep. No, this is another kind of energy: it’s physical, it’s mental, it’s passionate, and it’s purpose-based.  This is the Energy of YOU.  The reason some tasks are readily started and others seem impossible to get your britches on for has a lot more to do with where and how you are spending your energy and a lot less with how you are spending your time.  The secret to gaining a feeling of more time comes down to managing how you are spending you energy and making some adjustments.

Start with an Energy Assessment

Let’s spend a few minutes looking at how we spend our energy currently, and how we could use our energy to bring us more of what we want in life.  We’re going to look at the major areas of our lives where we spend energy, and how much energy we spend on each.  You may have done a similar exercise in the past where you look at where you spend your time, but this is a little bit different.  We’re going to focus on energy, because that’s what really matters.  We’ve probably all had the experience of being able to do a lot in a short amount of time because we’re full of energy, and also the opposite experience having plenty of time, but not being able to get going because we just didn’t have the energy.

We’re going to do this in two parts.  In the first part, we’ll take a look at where we spend our energy today.  This circle is going to be a pie chart.  Divide it into segments based on where you spend your energy today.  Let me give you an example.  Maybe you spend 8 hours at work each day, and 4 hours at home after work.  From a time perspective, your work slice of the pie would be twice the size of your after work slice.  But if your work leaves you so tired that you can’t do much in those four hours at home, the work slice might be three or four times as big as the home slice.

When you’re drawing your slices, think about things like work, family, exercise, spiritual practice, hobbies, and life maintenance.  Don’t forget to include things that you might want to do less of in future, like watching TV or other lost time.  Add categories for any other areas where you spend significant amounts of energy.

Now for the Energy Adjustment

OK, for part 2 of the exercise, we’re going to look to the future and in particular your vision for the future.  We’re going to create another pie chart, but this time it’s about how you would like to be spending your energy and what would take for you to feel that you are really living your best life! So take a few minutes to picture yourself living this way, what would it look like, feel like.  Now divide this pie into pieces based on where you want spend your energy in various areas of your life in the future.  Use the labels you used in part 1, and add any new labels for areas where you want to spend your energy in the future.

Now, look at both of your pie charts.  What do you notice?  What are the reasons for the gap between part 1 and part 2?  What are some steps you could take to get closer to using your energy in ways that bring you more happiness, satisfaction, goofing off, or whatever it is?  Yes, it might take some difficult conversations and it may take some courage.  Imagine the ripple effect this could have on your life, and the lives of others as you go after more of what you truly love, are setting boundaries, and being a role model for living your life to your fullest.

Example pie charts

 

In  the example, "before" chart there was no energy for art or piano.  In the after chart, some negotiations were necesary.  I agreed to spend less energy on business work (after 4 PM), and TV, animals, and housecleaning get less energy.  It means certain things won't get done as fast and/or we live with a little messiness a bit longer.  The payoff: I am getting satisfaction out my art and music and I actually think I am more efficient towards my business tasks during the day. 

In your workplace, how do you think adjusting how you spend your energy will be accepted by others?

What are you willing to try for a new possibility of energy, flow, purpose, and joy? 

Positive Interruption

This month, I have invited a guest blogger to Creating Positive Change – Paul Spencer, who has supported my own positive change journey over many years and has learned a few lessons along the way himself. Paul is a Nike consultant, athlete, race car driver, Aussie/American/Brit, and a mostly reformed, swearing-golfer. Here is Paul’s story about Positive Interruption.

If you are anything like me, you probably don’t like interruptions. Whether you are working on finishing your status report on Friday afternoon so you can start the weekend, are just about to start dinner and a telemarketer calls, or on those rare occasions when you haven’t set the DVR and have to sit through commercials during the Ducks game, interruptions are annoying. While those types of interruptions make me feel like throwing something, this article will focus on how you can create interruptions for yourself that can be positive, fun, and beneficial.

I’ll start with a little story. Recently I was on vacation with my wife in Mexico and we played golf one afternoon. It was hot – REALLY hot and humid to boot. It reminded us both of the Midwestern summer heat where you feel like you just can’t cool down or dry off. My wife hasn’t been playing very much golf since we moved to Oregon 6 years ago (she is a fair-weather golfer) and we were about 13 holes into this hot and tiring round. For the most part, she had been playing pretty well given her lack of practice, but then we came to a par 3 with a creek in front of the tee box and water near the green. She chunked the first ball in the pond and the second one into the creek. Needless to say, she was not happy. Being the trooper she is, she dropped a ball on the other side of the creek and finished the hole. As we were moving on the next hole, she suddenly said, “Oh, that’s right, since I hit those 2 bad shots, let’s high five now.” And so we did just that, we high-fived each other, celebrated a little (no shirts torn off or anything like that), and kept on playing. Within 2 more holes, she had her first birdie of the day which was cause for another round of celebration and a great story in performance recovery. So, as we finished the round, what could have been a real negative downward spiral of hitting 2 bad shots in the water, being tired and ridiculously hot, actually turned into a fun and exciting finish! How did this moment of what might have seemed like the worst time to high 5, turn into a story of triumph? Read on to learn more about the power of positive interruption.

Over the last few months, we have both taken some training that has taught us about negative thoughts and how to manage them. In the past, you may have read that if you have a negative thought, you should replace it with a positive one. While this is well-intentioned advice, it doesn’t actually work very well for most people. When you’re headed in a negative direction, it usually takes more than just a thought to get you back on track. That’s where Positive Interruption comes in.

Positive Interruption is a critical step that is the real key to switching from a negative to a positive frame of mind. We’ve learned some techniques based on Monitoring, Interrupting, and Replacing (MIR) negative thoughts and behaviors. It's not just FIND negative thought and REPLACE with positive thought. Instead, it relies heavily on using a technique to INTERRUPT the negative thought process BEFORE replacing it. The interruption takes all the momentum out of the negativity and opens you up to replacing it with a positive state of mind.

Let’s try it. Here are a few techniques you can use to interrupt the negative thoughts or emotions you are having so you can feel more resourceful, happier, and calm again.

Change your physiology – You can use a positive physical movement to interrupt a negative state of mind. This is where the golf story comes in. My wife interrupted a negative situation (hot, tired, and annoyed about dumping a couple of balls in the water) with a positive move (high five celebration), and it turned her game around. Anything that involves happy movement will work. If you’re slumped in your office, sit up straight and raise your arms to the sky. Or even get up and do jumping jacks. Skipping is another good one. Think about it - it’s hard to be unhappy when you’re skipping.

Bring on your power move – this one needs a bit of explaining, and a bit of work up front. It’s a specific way of changing your physiology. Your power move is a short, vigorous movement (often accompanied by yelling something) that makes you feel positive and strong. My power move is a fist pump followed by pounding my chest while yelling “Yes!” It may sound silly, but you’ll be surprised by how much of a boost in confidence and energy that a power move can give you. The great thing about it is that once you have your power move down, just thinking about doing it can give you the positive interruption you need. You can have some fun and play with this one as you create your own power move –try jumping on the spot, a karate move, or flexing your muscles.

Turn on the tunes – music is a great way to interrupt negative thoughts. We all have a few favorite songs that lift us up and make us smile. And now that we live in a Pandora/ Rhapsody/iTunes world, we have access to our favorite music pretty much anywhere. So the next time you’re trying to shake off some negativity, cue up one of your favorite songs. Usually the first few bars will be enough to create the positive interruption you need to get back on track. I’ll give you a couple of suggestions (and show my age): try “Like Wow, Wipeout!” by the Hoodoo Gurus, or “I’m a Believer”by the Monkees. Those are two songs that always put a smile on my face and a spring in my step.

These approaches work well used separately and are even better if used in combination. Crank up a favorite song, then do your power move and see if you don’t feel better within 10 seconds! The great thing about these methods is they are super simple and you can do them almost anywhere. They aren’t meant to replace other useful and calming pursuits like meditation, yoga or going for a lunchtime run, but they are great tools to have in your arsenal. And let’s face it; we don’t always have 30 minutes to meditate or run every day but most of us can spare 30 seconds to get back on track physically and emotionally.

Try one of these interrupt techniques right now and see if you notice a positive change in how you feel, even if you already feel pretty calm and happy.

What changes in your mind or body state did you notice when you tried a power move or other interrupt technique?

How do you see using these techniques in the future to help change your emotional state at work, with family, or in sports performance?

What more would you like to know about the entire monitor, interrupt, and replace technique?

Creating Positive Change is brought to you by Kim LaFever of Positive Disruption. Positive Disruption is a Portland-based consulting firm. We embrace clients who are ready to accelerate team fusion, create a sense of purpose and “home” in every team and deliver amazing results! Ready to ReWork/Normal? If so, contact us at: 503-704-5250 and coming soon on the web at www.positivedisruption.com

Smackdown: You Can Change the Voices in Your Head

Recently I had a breakthrough – a real breakthrough where I singlehandedly broke a board with the palm of my hand (see photo).  I had no idea I could do this and it totally blew my mind when I followed my teacher’s instructions, and easily broke this board with a single stroke.  I don’t recommend you try this on your own without careful instruction and safety equipment. Even so, what was the point of breaking a board? The point of this breakthrough was, for me, highly symbolic – a new metaphor for change in my life.  I broke through from an old constant question I used to ask myself a lot to a new question that is supporting me far more effectively than before.  You can break through to a new way of thinking, too, and you don’t even have to break a board to do it. 

Let’s start with the whole notion of a constant question.  What is a constant question and what effect does it have?  It tends to be a repetitive question you ask yourself over and over again that typically does not have a positive or affirming answer.  Here are some examples

• Why do I keep doing the same thing over and over again?
• Why don’t I have any will power?
• When will I ever learn?
• Why didn’t I think about this before I said yes?
• Why do I make things hard?

It can also take the form of a question that sounds benign or even positive, but is typically thought of in a sarcastic voice.  For example, “what am I going to do now?” or “am I having fun yet?”  Take a look at some of the example questions above and think for a moment about your own constant question. Write it down.  Then, ask yourself, what are some of the answers that come to mind when you think of your constant question? 

My old constant question used to be, why do I make things hard?  The likely answers that came to mind for me were: because I deserve to suffer, I am not as good as the others so I have to try harder; if I am not working hard I must be lazy.  I think you get the idea that my old question and answers, weren’t really helping.  In fact, questions like these can keep us feeling stuck in negative patterns of self-doubt.  They can create vicious cycles of beating ourselves up and generally speaking, they don’t serve us well.  
So, what’s the alternative?  The alternative is creating a new constant question that is affirmative and supporting and then trying it out against a variety of phrases that come up in everyday life.  After all, that’s where the old constant question was used, wasn’t it?  My new constant question is:  how can I feel even more playful and open-hearted right now?  This new question is quite a departure from the old one: why do I make things hard?  If you want to create a new constant question for yourself, here are some tips for developing a powerful, supporting question:

• Make it present tense
• Make it positive, affirmative, and active
• Assume you already embody at least some of this characteristic and make your question take it further (in my example, how can I be even more playful and open-hearted assumes that I already am.

Once you have a new constant question, you need a list of typical situations that you can apply it against.  For example, here are some typical situations (both good and not so good) that I used to help me practice instilling my new question:

• Your car has a flat and you are already running late for work
• It’s raining outside
• Your dog licks your face
• Your husband smiles at you across the room
• Your cat pukes on the white rug (again)
• Your boss gives you your review
• You see a rainbow
• Your Mom doesn’t return your call for days
• You ask someone out on a date and they say yes
• You are stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic
• You win a prize
• Your lunch food is not ready yet and you have to be at a meeting in 10 minutes

Take the list above and edit it to make your own list of typical scenarios.  Try to come up with at least 20.  Then, if you can, find a friend and ask her to read each statement to you.  After she reads each statement, state your new constant question affirmatively, out loud.  This will help you break the hold of your old question and instill the new one.  After you finish this, notice how you feel.  When I did this the first time, and whenever I use my new question (mostly in my head) now, I feel more buoyed and positive. 

Practice your new constant question in all types of situations over the coming weeks to make it stick.  Maybe you can post it near your PC or bathroom mirror, even in your car, to remind you. Notice what happens over the next few weeks as both positive and difficult situations arise.  I used my new constant question a lot recently when I was visiting my mother who is beginning to struggle more and more as she ages. As a result of this question, I noticed a really big shift in my overall patience and ability to just be present and not try and control things for her during my visit.  In essence, just as in the photo above, I broke through from life is hard, it’s a struggle – to I am playful, curious, and loving.

See what happens if you try this for 10 days.  Here are some questions to think about as you prepare to take on a new constant question for your life.

What are some constant questions you have asked yourself over the years?

Let’s Get Serious about Fun and Games

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good.” - Dr. Seuss

When was the last time you played, I mean really played, just for fun? If you work at a place like Nike, maybe you play often, and hopefully you do. Perhaps you have a twice weekly pick-up basketball game, or you join the soccer troops regularly. You may giggle, laugh and find delight in your daily interactions at work. Maybe your play is in spending time with your kids, playing monopoly or Uno cards, or being pushed on the swings almost as often as you do the pushing. Maybe you can't remember the last time you played. Whether any of the above is true for you or not, I will give you plenty of reasons to keep playing or start playing no matter what your age, and especially if you are over 21.

Let’s start some play by taking on a fun but short little experiment. At your next staff or team meeting, ask each person to take out a sheet of paper pen and give them 30 seconds to draw a picture of the person next to them. Then ask each person to share their picture with that person (they don’t have to share it with the group unless they want to) and see what happens. One of the most common things that occurs is that whoever is drawing spends a lot of time apologizing to the person they are meant to draw. There also tends to be a lot of nervous, awkward laughter.

What do you think would happen if you asked a group of 5-year-olds to do the same experiment? When asked to do the same, they usually draw their pictures and show them to anyone who will take a look. They seem to relish the idea of showing off their work. What difference does it make if kids are more willing to show their art work? The difference is this: as we grow up, we often begin to fear the judgment of our peers. We become increasingly embarrassed about showing our ideas to people around us. This can spawn an environment of conservative thinking, where if we have an unusual idea, we may be afraid to share it due to fear of embarrassment, ridicule and the like.

So, what can we do to foster innovation, creativity, and awesome team collaboration at work? We can have fun be encouraging and engaging in daily play. A number of studies have shown that by playing, we will experience the benefits of:

·         Feeling more connected to others

·         Developing more creativity, flexibility and learning

·         Developing or enhancing perseverance

·         Decreasing stress

·         Feeling happy!

There is much to be gained by sharing positive emotional experiences with others. When we experience laughter and fun with others we are creating an “anchor” to that feeling and the group, and we are more likely to experience this positive feeling any time we are with this group. Sometimes in our play we may win, and sometimes we may not. Winning isn't everything despite the way some of us feel about it. Experience both triumph and defeat with your work team helps build empathy, compassion, and trust based on shared experience.

When we play, we learn things that stimulate our imaginations and help us adapt and solve problems more easily. Play arouses curiosity, it fosters discovery and creativity. Play also draws on our need to persevere and see something through to the end, or recognize that it takes practice to learn new skills or master them and in some games, that mastery comes from the group.

One of the best reasons to play is the most simple: it is fun and we feel happy and unfettered, even if only for a few moments. Play can provide stress reduction and therapeutic benefits for adults who make it a habit. Taking play breaks on a daily basis can nourish a feeling of connectedness and sheer delight for ourselves and those around us.

So, if your team does not have a practice of play, why not get one started? My proposal is that you take 5-10 minutes a day for fun teamplay over the rest of this month. If you need some help finding games and ideas, why not ask your team for suggestions? You may also seek out books or websites with icebreakers and other group games. One example with some free games can be found at: http://www.group-games.com/index-of-all-group-games

I envision a world where adults play as a normal part of the workday: at the bank, in the grocery store, on mass transit and anywhere people come together frequently. Imagine a life where we interact in a more meaningful way – by having fun in the ordinary!

Questions for comment: What are your experiences of play in the work place? What do you think would happen if you tried playing together as a part of your work day? How does competitive play feel different from play that is more focused on fun or the group?

Written by Kim LaFever, Culture Catalyst

Positive Disruption - Portland, OR

Creating Change: Tools to Help You with Your Journey

Last month I conducted a workshop on Creating a Vision for Your Life. This one-hour workshop set the stage for each participant to leave with a clearer picture of what she wants to create more of in her future.  The workshop itself was highly interactive and inspiring thanks to the participation of the group! I left the workshop with two commitments: one was to offer this workshop one more time by March 9^th and the other was to provide a list of tools and resources that I have found particularly useful as I have continued on my journey of creating more of what I want in my life. 

So, to meet the first commitment: I am offering this one-hour workshop on Creating Vision for Your Life on Friday, March 9^th from 8:30-9:30.  I still have room for about 5-7 more people so if you want to attend, please email kim.lafever@nike.com.

As for the second commitment: the list below provides some of the most powerful seminars and books I have experienced over the last 2-3 years to assist me in gaining insight, clarity, and vision for my life purpose. I am not affiliated with any of the authors or seminar providers other than to be thankful for their offerings, and in some cases friendship, in my life. As I often tell people when they ask how I have been able to refine my life purpose, I tell them the truth: it has taken a global village of writers, facilitators, and other practitioners to get me where I am in terms of knowing myself well and advancing more of what I want in my life.  My life has messiness, beauty, joy, and loss, and for this I have heartfelt gratitude and a certain persistence to want to know more, to seek further my greater truth.  I hope you may find something useful in this list as you engage on your own journey. You can find many of these books or seminars on the web by simply typing in the book, title, or name of the company in many search engines.

Books:

The Dream Manager by Matthew Kennedy:This is an easy read and very entertaining.  It will provide you with the springboard for your life by encouraging you to write down 100 dreams and then offers some techniques on how to take them further. I truly wonder if I would be opening my own business now if I hadn’t read this book last summer.

Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott: This book helped me establish effective conversations and boundaries with people.  It helps me to stay “clean” by speaking my truth in a respectful way often and when it most matters. I used these methods to help me through some family and in-law communications to great effect.

Choices That Change Lives by Hal Urban: An easy read with lots of value and you can read it in chunks or skip chapters entirely.

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Daniel Amen: This book is fascinating without being too technical.  It uses some of the most up to the moment neuroscience and then tells you how to apply it to make changes happen.

Awake at Work by Michael Carroll: This book has all kinds of wisdom to be more present in the moment, even when work feels crappy.  The chapters are short and provide a lot of food for contemplation and action.

Humans Being by Lou Ann Daly:  This is a workbook style read that has a lot of exercises in it.  It requires you to take some time in reflection and asks some rather thought-provoking questions.  I had the good fortune to work this book with a small group of colleagues as we were led by two very strong women leaders. This is the book that frustrated me to no end; it also probably helped me to break through and stop being stuck – funny how that works. 

If the Buddha Got Stuck by Charlotte Kasl: This book has lots of short chapters that you can read over a coffee with little exercises to apply.  My medical doctor recommended it when she realized how often I would come in slightly jet-lagged or semi-stressed.

Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck: Martha is Oprah magazine’s monthly coach/writer.  She is great and very well known in the field of life coaching. The amount and level of difficulty of the exercises can be a little daunting. I think this work would be easier if facilitated or done as part of a reading group that meets regularly for 3-6 months for support but if you are ready to really tackle your life, she is one of the best.

Mindful Eating by Jan Chozen Bays: For those of you who may have followed my writing for this newsletter over the last year or so, you are familiar with the challenges I was facing with my sweet tooth.  This book, along with some of the other mindfulness practices I learned through books, etc. that finally helped me to make positive changes in my eating without feeling like I am bad if I have a cookie. If you are interested in changing your diet, or interested in slowing yourself down even for a little while during the day without sitting and doing a formal meditation practice, this book may be a good one for you.  She takes you through a series of exercises in the book and accompanying CD that will change the way you experience your food and  it is positive, graceful, and phew – without judgment.

STOP TRYING SO HARD by Kim LaFever - The book I haven’t written yet but maybe should.  I spent a good number of years thinking I had to outwork everyone else in order to be seen as ok. Through the many books and other practices I’ve learned, I finally feel like I can just be me. Stay tuned for my own book on how to change your life to hit bookshelves in the future.

Seminars or coaching:

Wings Seminars in Eugene – www.wings-seminars.com – You start with the Personal Effectiveness seminar and go from there.  These seminars are intense and people change a lot as a result of their experiences to become better communicators, less blame-oriented, aware of their potential as leaders, and closer to their life purpose BUT – you have to show up fully and be ready and willing to do the work. It can be great fun, enriching, and I have made friends that I expect to have in my life for many years through my association with this group.

Creating the Life You Want – run by two of my dearest friends (one former Nike person) who offer workshops on the side (2-3 times a year) from their day jobs to help people get clear on mission, vision, values, etc.  For info contact Tonia McConnell at: toniamcc@msn.com

Lifetime Optimization – this is a neuro-optimization coaching practice here in PDX that I wrote about in January.  I gained so much by taking their Neuro Essentials Program two months ago.  My memory skills are better, I manage my emotions more easily, and I think this work greatly helped me at the right time to me break through and say YES to my future. www.lifetimeoptimization.com

The Cook Awakening at www.cookawakening.com  Durga Fuller runs a coaching practice that is centered around helping people who want to make dietary changes or otherwise change their relationship to food and health but she is so much more than that.  She has tremendous insight and wisdom and has been a great teacher to me.  I think that through this work, I finally grew to accept myself enough to know that I really am ok. 

To Your Dreams!